So when it comes to flying you need to remember one thing, "Your Being Judged". Crew, and guests alike someone is watching you, taking notes and if your lucky not writing about you in some strange Blog out in cyberspace.
The best advice I can give you is to lay low. Don't worry about being a bother, just don't be a Nutter.
Pet Owners come in two varieties. Normals and Nutters. Normals make sure the pet goes into Cargo. Nutters always bring the pet into the cabin. I don't mean to generalize, but, whenever I see a kennel in the cabin I am always reminded that nervous cats with weak bowels are the smelliest creatures on earth. Or there is a woman out there who breast feeds her cat. Those are other stories for another day. Today we will relive ......"The Princess and the Puppy".
First off this happened close to Christmas, so I am not able to be with the people I love. I might have been a little on edge. OK, it was Boxing Day and I was maybe a little hungover and not going to put up with any attitude from a Nutter, especially a pet owning princess off to shop her pampered ass of in Florida.
The story begins as I was covering for my co-worker who was getting herself ready for the flight to Florida (puking her guts up in the Lav). I'm checking boarding passes and greeting the passengers, as she isn't having a battle with morning sickness, why would she, her husband isn't fertile?
The pre board passengers are on the way down. These are the guests with special needs, young children and the like. First to arrive are a party of 3 who are obviously very well off. They were all carrying matching Louis Vuitton Luggage right down to the Pet Kennel which was tucked neatly under one ladies arm as she paraded into the cabin with a dog on a leash.
I now have to quickly, and in a very friendly manner, let this lady know the 5 lbs of dog has to go into the designer kennel as we have regulations that are in the best interest of all our passengers. We do have passengers that have allergies afterall. She dismisses me, "Yes as soon as I get to my seat", and she walks right on by. I let her know instantly, "No the cute little puppy has to be placed in the kennel right away, please". This is her first warning.
I will give you a little side note. You only get one warning. As a Crew Member I am not a power tripping egotistical air head looking for any excuse to tell you what to do. I am trying to keep a job that finds most of us overpaid high school grads with a means to hit a sunny beach or friends wedding whenever we like. Trust me if I have to work the front door of Walmart before my Grandfather kicks off I will never hear the end of it. This job is very important to me cause I am otherwise very unemployable.
As a traveller you do have to listen to Flight Attendants, we are like the deputies of the Captain. If you don't we are obliged, with the Captains blessings, to offer you a Notice From The Captain. The Captain is the Judge and Jury on the aircraft. He can have your ass in a jail (anywhere in the world) as fast as the police can come to meet the aircraft. There are no questions asked after the Captain is involved. If a Notice goes out you can either listen or expect to have a lot of assistance with your bags from the boys in blue not the blonds in wool.
The Princess gets to her seat and does put the dog in the kennel. I am a happy man and a bit surprised I thought there might be an issue. After a few years of flying you get a finely tuned instinct that tells you when a Nutter is in the cabin. Maybe I was wrong, judgemental, hung to gills and just looking for an issue where there was really no need. I mean she was the first person on the plane. No one else was affected and now the dog was in the kennel. End of story.... Wouldn't that be nice?
I am now in the cabin as my co-worker is done figuring out she is pregnant, Merry Christmas! I am walking down to offer the princess a briefing on the expected conditions of having a pet in the cabin. As I arrive I see the cute little puppy sitting on the passenger lap?!? "Hello (super big smile), again, I am just wondering if you have flown with the dog before?" She replies "All the time" and names several airlines that she has flown with. I say "Great, well at this airline we do require the dog is to be in the kennel at all times. You can open the kennel only to administer medication, food or water but the dog must remain inside the kennel at all times. "OH?" she says, "that isn't the way it is on such and such or this other airline. He is allowed to sit on my lap cause that way he doesn't bark and cry".
My inside voice tells me I was right all along, we now have a Nutter. "OK well as I stated we will just have you put the dog into the kennel for our flight today. I do hope you understand not doing so will result in you not being able to fly with us." She nods her head and puts the dog away and I continue to offer the rest of her briefing with regards to flying with the pet in the cabin. We haven't closed the door yet, this is twice that I have spoken to this princess. I tell my co-workers at the back of the aircraft what has transpired and they let me know she has been an issue with them as well. They have each told her to do the same with her dog. If your keeping score she has not listened to a total of 3 Flight Attendants at least 4 times. I call my Lead and she calls the Captain.
Again the Captain is a no nonsense kind of guy. I have flown with him before, honestly one of the better Captains who has your back. He calls back and asks me to offer a Notice from the Captain. He also would like an update to know how it goes. I get the Notice, and go to offer it to the Princess.
The dog is back on her lap! I swear the dog is smiling at me...This is 5 times, I am starting to feel like a joke to this lady and her family as they are all smiling and laughing. I think it must be at the vein in my frontal lobe that us about to explode. "Here is a Notice From The Captain. It is for your information and safety. Please read it carefully." I pass her the piece of paper. A co-worker who is watching this also sees the situation, she calls the Captain and lets him know the dog is back out and the Notice has been issued. I am working on getting the dog back into the kennel when over the PA I hear the Captain. "Ladies and Gentleman we would like to get going but we have a person in the back with a dog that will not listen to the Flight Attendants and put it away. You have a choice comply or you will be asked to leave the plane immediately" It is like the voice of God. I see this lady stuff that dog away like it was a pair of dirty underwear after a bad guess during the game, Do I have to Fart?
Awesome, the Captain has our back. Notice is issued. This lady now knows the dog is in the kennel for the rest of our short flight to Florida. A total of 6 reminders, the voice from above she knows. Right? WRONG!!
Shortly after takeoff as I am doing a walk through I look over only to see 5 lbs of smiling dog looking back at me. We haven't even leveled off yet. We are under 5 minutes into the flight and we are at the seventh time we have to ask this lady to put the poor animal away. I tell the girls at the back and they can't believe me. But after they have to do the same thing at least two times each over the next 2 hours, we all agree, We have a Nutter. We know that something is going to happen. We are done talking and inform the Captain she is not complying with the instructions time and time again.
He requests that the Princess be detained. "Have her stay behind I am going to have a chat with her before she leaves. Get her information from her boarding pass and let her know she will not be able to fly with the dog in the cabin on her return trip." I do as I am instructed and the Princess says she does not have her boarding pass and refuses to give me her name. Using her seat number and our internal resources everything we need. At the end of the flight the Captain comes out. We walk down to the Princess, her two family members and the dog. The dog which is actually inside of the kennel for once.
I begin with a big smile on my face. "OK ladies are we doing some shopping while your down here in Florida?". They reply "YES!" with even bigger smiles on their faces. They actually like the attention I think, they like the fact the Captain has now had to come out to see them off. Maybe they aren't idiots they could just be stunned. The Captain takes over "Well who is Karen"? The lady with the dog offers up "I am". The only thing that could take the smile off her face is the Captains next words. "While your shopping Karen be sure to pick up a hard sided kennel, you'll need it for the mutt on your next flight. Your not bringing it on one of our planes again!"
I have to excuse myself as not to laugh in front of the guest. The Captain escorts them off the plane and gets the Gate Agent to Document the file.
Now not all pet owners are trouble but the ODD ones are. This was an example of the exception. Being an animal lover myself I am having steak for supper and sharing the poisoned leftovers with the Raccoon or Skunk with has been messing with my flowerbeds. Back out flying for the next few days.
We will chat soon.
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