So Now What.... The Doors Are Closed?!?
Well we are talking about Announcements, so once your locked into the "Steel Tube of Shared Air" you do need to know a few things. How to buckle up, how to breathe easily and most importantly how to get out in a hurry...Or as I have heard stated, "Just Follow Me".
Again we are Trained Safety Professionals, as Flight Attendants we know the facts. We are very comfortable with these facts. And in the event of an emergency we are seated closest to the door. Saving lives can only happen if your alive and I nominate myself to offer directions to the nearest bar in the event that something goes wrong. "Just Follow Me".
The Safety Demonstration
So with the Demo, which is a Transport Canada choreographed presentation, we have to be sure that everyone is aware that bad stuff can happen. Such a fun thing to get a crowd to think about just before you go flying!! The ODDS are in your favor. We really can tell you that 99 percent of the time you are completely safe. But Hey, just for fun, lets talk about the 1 percent of the time when you know you don't stand a chance.
Maybe it is the ODDS, but if only you would listen. STOP wondering why the TV isn't working or when the Air Conditioning is going to kick in; or even if you left your virginity back at security.
All you have to do is honestly pay attention, for less then 5 minutes. You do this and your chances of survival are without question STILL up to your age, physical condition and where you are seated.
I might be 39 years old and 20 lbs overweight but look where I am sitting.
***Seat Belts***
Before taking off, just after, and during any bumps we are not only going to tell you to buckle up. We then have to go on crotch patrol to make sure you did it. So make sure your zipper is in the up and locked position and "Get Clicky With It".
***Exits***
There are "X" number of exits on this aircraft. I state the variable due to the different types of aircraft out there and the simple fact that planes break apart.
There could be way more exits than we even tell you about. Go to the light or of course... "Just Follow Me".
***Floor Lighting***
What I'd like to say.
"In the event of a power loss or an emergency, your instinct is going to kick in...Or Your Dead"
We have lights. They are on the floor. Who really cares?
I think being impressed by floor lighting went out with Disco.
Besides when is the last time you heard a survival story from a plane crash that begins with.
"So I am Crawling on my hands and knees..."
***Oxygen Masks***
"In the event of a decompression, The panels above your head are going to open up, And release:
A) Four Oxygen Masks.
B) Why isn't my TV Working?
C) Do they not have air conditioning?
D) Ferrets?, I think he just said... Ferrets?
I did. I said it, and sometimes still say "Ferrets". I just wish Ferrets were there.
Can't explain it but I think it would be funny.
And Funny is way better than Stupid, which is how I think you might feel every time I have to explain how to put on an oxygen mask.
So that is the Demo. We can now go flying! And flying is where the magic happens. The stories will amaze you.
Until you've lived for at least a year at 40,000 ft you really have no idea what happens.
How people forget some of the simple things, etiquette, manners and of course the Golden Rule.
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