Now where to begin today. Flying to the warmer destinations is always fun. On the way down people are so excited. Going for vacation, weddings, family reunions and even Grad Parties. Today we will not be talking about the way down, the amazing energy, the huge amounts of drinks you sell as the party is about to get started. Today we will examine a flight were the vacation is OVER and you now have to drag your over exposed, hungover selves to the airport. This flight found us loading up a group of over 100 recent grads from 3 different High Schools onto a plane for a 4 Hour Plus flight BACK to their parents eagerly awaiting them at the airport. The way down must have been very high energy indeed.
Boarding begins with me returning from a quick trip in for some Duty Free Goodies. I am very surprised that the average age coming back with us looks to be 18, maybe 19. A great deal of them also have 2nd to 3rd degree burns on the exposed skin which I am thinking is too sore to even try and apply aloe on. Not that I want to do this, we all know lotion and strangers under 20 is just creepy.
On the plane it is obvious the party is over and energy is at an all time low. Everyone is very polite. Especially the ladies on this trip. "Did you want to go first?" or "Sorry Sir am I in your way?" Very beautiful intelligent young women that looked tired but at least had the sense not to go binge drinking the last day before the long flight home. Most of the guys are very well behaved as well but there is a group of 5 that have instantly caught my attention. They obviously lacked sunscreen and common sense. Maybe you just need common sense and the sunscreen would sort of follow?
One guy is seated and almost asleep during the boarding process. Another smaller guy that is standing near him is having a hard time keeping his eyes open while he is standing up. Now it isn't a big deal if your tired before a flight. It is actually very much encouraged. You sleep, and I have one less person to take care of. But showing up drunk and sun burnt is another story all together. You could, depending on the severity of the burn and the amount of alcohol, become over 2 hours of paper work after the 4 hours of medical attention we have to give you on the way home. That is over 6 hours of my life you have no right to impose upon.
The other three guys are being very loud at the back of the plane and the guests that are not with the group are not pleased, their faces say; "This is what I saved up all year for?" I am as concerned for the others that weren't on the Grad Trip, as I am the ability of these 5 young guys to make it back home as planned. We do need a bit of order to make sure everyone is Happily heading home.
Is it hunger or supressed mental anguish? I am tired from the trip down. All I have eaten is a protein bar and I have never been one to hide my hunger. I also just missed my own 20 year reunion to work this flight. Maybe I'm working through a bit of that today as well. I am admittedly cranky from hunger. Anyone that went to school with me will tell you I was a GEEK, mixed with Wannabe and the furthest thing from a JOCK that you could ever envision. So my actions might be looked at as a bit of revenge, but, I am into well over 1000 hours of therapy. I think this had nothing to do with not fitting during high school at all. I will ask Karen tomorrow night.
Out of the five I go with the shortest ...ok the smallest, "You come with me please!" Blinky is the guy who is having a hard time focusing and he now has a task, walking to the back galley. He snaps straight up and it is obvious that he knows walking a straight line and keeping his eyes open are his new job. We get to the back galley. He is the smallest of the group. Now I am not a bully I just know if you go for the smallest your chances of getting him on your side are in your favor. "You know they are talking about you being too drunk for this flight right?" I say to him in a voice that brings him back to being in the Principal's office (Respects to BYM). His wide eyes now more focused than ever, "Who says that I'm too drunk?" I let him know that it is the people in his section saying that he has been drinking all day and they think he could be throwing up in their general direction at any moment. "No I wasn't drinking since we left the resort." He is obviously lying unless the resort he is speaking of is the airport bar or worse the Duty Free Shop. Everyone is very interested in this conversation, a lot of eyes are staring back towards us standing in the galley now. Especially the three guys holding Wendy's take out cups. The same style of cup that is stuffed into the seat pocket of this guys friend around row 13. The same guy everyone is trying to trade seats away from.
I tell him he better be on his best behavior for the flight and not to be disturbing the other guests in his section. I also tell him if I catch him drinking I will have the authorities meet the aircraft. I want nothing more than to get him home without a police escort. I also am not looking for the chance to be cleaning up puke from a chain reaction of 100 high school kids with weak gag reflexes on a 4+ hour flight. He promises me he will not be a bother, we pound fists and he wobbles off back to his seat. I don't see a problem. If he is the drunkest, at his size, as long as they have all consumed about the same we should be all good. Next step is to make sure no more booze is consumed.
Now yes he was the smaller of his friends, and a little drunker but now the Wendy's cup crew is asking him questions as he walks back to his seat. I see one mouth the phrase, "Are We Cool?" If you have to ask, than your not. I know I'm not cool, I'm a father of two teenage kids. This bigger taller guy is obviously worked up about something might have been said. I am going to be keeping an extra keen eye on him and his two seatmates.
Now the fun begins. I think we might have some young guys that are going to try to pull the wool over our eyes. Not that it is a big deal to bring duty free booze on a plane. But it is a huge deal to OPEN then drink that duty free booze while in flight as it can affect:
A) Our Companies Liquor License
B) My employment at said company
C) The unknown results when you combine Heat Stroke, Alcohol and Testosterone at 40,000 ft.
These guys aren't huge but I'm surprisingly weak for my size and tough went out the window with my last drink. I don't look for trouble and I certainly have bigger friends then myself to hide behind when I do go out drinking. We have all seen it, some people can't hold their liquor and do turn aggressive. Drinking before, or during, a flight is different. Honestly we know what happens and it isn't the same as at sea level. The general rule is two to one. For every drink on the ground you've now had two in the air. How much did you have prior to getting on the plane. Minutes after takeoff we know who has had the most, Sleepy and Blinky are in a coma like state, as long as they are breathing they are now my new favorites. My worry is the other 3 sitting together that I have yet to speak with. They are having a grand old time entertaining everyone for a 4 aisle radius. They are talking very loudly and drinking from what seems to be bottomless Wendy's cups. Now it is time to bust up the little party.
As I am dragging my cart to begin beverage service I smell Rum. Not just any Rum, but Dark Rum, the angriest of all Rums. It brings out the worse in anyone that dares to drink it. I know the smell cause I love the stuff. If I wasn't working I would be sitting down with them, and I would be just as loud (ok louder) and a lot better looking, really this uniform does nothing for my body type.
It smells like great stuff too. It is coming from the Wendy's cups they brought on board. So the discussion begins. "Do you smell Rum?" I ask them. Two of the three take a direct interest in the darkness out the window to their left. "Ummm, its all good." This is from the guy who later comes back to change his shirt in the aft galley (I did mention full frontal). I interrupt "No actually that isn't cool at all. You guys have some booze you didn't buy from us in those cups that I am now taking away." He starts to pass the cup when he stops and asks. "Do we have to give you all the cups?" He thinks he is being cute, I feel the same way when I drink Dark Rum so I stay calm even if my frontal lobe starts to swell. I calmly and simply say "Yes, and you would also be best to give me any bottles of open duty free you have in your bags at your feet. Unless you want the police to be taking you to meet your parents at the luggage carousel."
All cups come over and on his word there are no open bottles on the plane. They really don't look to put off by it as I think they might have had enough booze over the past week. Or they just don't want to end up in a coma like their friends in row 13. Reminds me I have to check their vitals and I continue off to begin beverage service.
Everything is nice and quiet, everyone is sleeping, watching TV or having their picture taken with the boys in a Dark Rum Coma. One might also be covered in stickers that say things like "Flight Attendant In Training".
Stay thirsty my friends.
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